Am I a Bad Mom?

Does it make me a bad mom that I will not shed a tear when my son has his first day of Kindergarten?  Please don't get me wrong, I will love this day. I will love watching him take on a new challenge. Love watching him make new friends. Love watching him get excited about something that is truly his own. His sister will not be part of his new world. His mom will only be a supportive part of his new world. This new world is his own. Does this make me cry? Not really. Does that make me a bad mom?
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I get it though, I really do. I understand that there is something so grown up about it. That your baby is not such a baby anymore. That understanding is not lost on me. I do appreciate how final it is. How big and amazing the first few steps into a 'real' school are.  I also understand however, how awesome it is that my child is at that point.

Hopefully the training that I have attempted to give him over the last five years has been enough to give him a good push in the right direction. Hopefully he will step into this world with a solid foundation.  He will know that his family believes he can do this, believes he is ready to do this, and believes that he will succeed.  Hopefully he will make good choices and he will make friends.  I know, however that I do not have the control anymore. That he is in control of what he does.  I have confidence in the fact that he can come home and discuss the good, bad, and ugly of his day.   That I will hear only what he wants to tell me, or can verbalize, and I will cherish what he gives me... but I will not cry.

 I have learned to enjoy this stage. To take pleasure in his independence. Not because I do not want to help him, (I DO) but because I see him light up when he can help himself.  To take pleasure in his starting a new challenge.  I want to see him read, to write stories independently, to start math, to have a world outside of mine.

He has given me his entire self for the last  five years and it is time for me to share this little joy with the world.  So, my boy, go and do. Go and be yourself. Go and be the little boy that shares your joy with others.  Go and try.  I understand you may fail at things, that you may succeed at others. That some days you will not let me into your world, but others you will want me to be a big part of it. Just know I am proud of you moving into this world. That I am happy to see you become the little boy you are.  I am so happy for you to enjoy your next step. I don't see a reason to cry for that.


Until next time,